A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to be a celebite (Lord, I can't even spell it, maybe there's a reason why I can't spell it, perhaps, I really don't mean it!), ok celbit....oh wow, hold on, going to Dictionary.com, brb........celibate, yeah, that's it! I had made up my mind that I wanted to be a celibate lesbian and focus more on my relationship with Christ, because that's really important to me. Being with someone is great, but it's not at the top of my list right now, I don't know why, but it's not and I'm so ok with that admission of truth. I lived with someone, but moved out of the bedroom because I couldn't breathe sleeping in the bed.......long, medical story anyway, I never moved back in. There were so many issues with that relationship that I don't want to waste this entry addressing them.......maybe another time! Anywho, my relationship with Christ means so much to me, especially since I came out and how I grew up.
It is so important to me to know that God still loves me and that He has a plan for my life and that I am blessed. Growing up in a church that preached damnation for homosexuals is rough. Seeing them called down to the alter and having hands laid on them or wigs snatched off gay males heads has left such a HUGE impact on my life. You know what, right after I typed that, I decided to delete the first paragraph and I'm changing this blog entry to talk about the "Sins of the Church"......let me save this entry, go paste the other paragraph into an entry, save it and come back. Ok, back!
As I was saying, I would watch in utter fear as I witnessed Gay Bashing on Sunday's, hoping and praying no one called me out. But at the same time, saw and experienced all sort of sins that rarely were addressed. I have no idea why homosexuality is the #1 sin in the church. Some would say it ruins the family........hmmmm, I seriously doubt that, I can think of a number of things that ruin the family unit and homosexually isn't on of them. Bob, I'd say "Adultery" would be #1. Adultery can break up a family quicker than anything else in this world. But, if they're saying it stops the reproduction of the family, seriously is that true? Hell no! Listen as long as you have women who willingly open their legs and welcome the penis into their vagina without a condom, and everything is in working order, out a baby will pop in 9 months! Another thing that will tear up a family is physical abuse, rarely preached on in churches around the world, people ignore that problem. Mainly because most will say, "it's none of my business".......oh really now??? I guess that scripture about "bearing each others burdens" (Gal. 6:2) is null and void in certain situations, huh.
Homosexuality is such a touchy subject and moreso within the Black church or at least that has been my experience. While white churches and families seem to not like it as well, they tend to be more accepting. In the black church you can be an outright whore, known to sleep with anybodies husband or son, but let there be a whiff of a homosexual "demon" in the church, all hell will break loose. You will be "called out" (called to the alter for prayer and laying on of hands to cast that demonic spirit out) and you will be shunned and ostricized; because no other parent wants that demon to jump on their child. You could be a grown man touching girls or dropping your seed any and everywhere, but no one ever calls you a demon because while yes you're sinning, it ain't the BIG sin. WTF?!?!? Are you kidding me! It is crazy how some sins are justified or swept under the rug and everyong jumps with two feet on the back and neck of a homosexual, it's a sad state of affairs and it's not right!
The church is suppose to be a place of refuge and healing, it's a place where one goes to worship with others and to hear a word from God. How does one go to the hospital to get medicine but instead leaves with spiritual blows to the head and body feeling worst than they entered???? It's a total contradiction of what church is suppose to be. If God is love and we are suppose to be representatives of God, then how can be so hateful and sprew such venom all in the name of God???? Christians are funny people because they are so quick to pick up a rock and throw it knowing full well that they shouldn't even look at a rock. It is my belief that they are quick to throw rocks to divert attention from their own loose living.
As long as I could remember I was attracted to girls, even got caught one time in my pre-teen years by my great-grandmother in the throws of sex with a girl from up the street. She told me to NEVER, EVER do it again because it was wrong and she took what she saw that day to her grave. Well, needless to say, I continued to do it, I was just careful not to get caught. All during that time until about the 10th grade I dealt with a lot of physical abuse.....which I shall take to my grave or write a book using a pseudonym, but in the midst of people seeing, prophesying and calling out gay folk, no one saw what I was dealing with and all the hurt and shame I carried around. That in and of itself amazes me! What a sin it was for no one to get a whiff of it in the spirit, but they could see a homo from a few pews away! No one saw when I was dealing with suicide tendacies, but they could see gay tendacies floating in the church, to me that was a sin!
The sins of the church comes about when people are hurting, needing someone to comfort them, encourage them, just love them and tell them that everything will be alright and they don't because they're busy screwing with the hearts and minds of gay folk. The sins of the church is when it feels justified in verbally, physically and mentally attacking people who are different in orientation and not even trying to understand those people; they rather beat them about the brow with scriptures that they themselves don't even understand. Every year I attend PRIDE, we are met with protesters, sprewing such hateful venom about God hating homos/fags and how we are damned to hell or God sent AIDS to kill us all or how we are all going to hell. The saddest part about it all is that these people are holding Bibles, foaming at the mouths with hate in their eyes and heart preofessing Christ as their Savior. The sins of the church is when people have been beaten and so defeated that I turn from church and God because of what they've had to endure all in the name of Christ. The sins of the church is when Christians quote: "God loves the sinner but hates the sin", most times solely referring to homosexuals all while knowing they have ahtred in their hearts towards homosexuals. The sins of the church is condemning a group of people to hell because of how they were born and how they choose to love. The sins of the church comes about when a Christian feels justified in taking a homosexuals life in the name of God. The sins of the church is when it's ok that the organist, choir director, Pastor, minister or your favorite singer is gay and no one says a word, but berates the average church goer because he/she doesn't hold a significant role in the church body. Also, the sins of the church is when those "talented" gay folk are allowed to serve in the church when everyone knows their orientation, but must remain in the closet. They can't bring their partner into church, can't be seen mingling with other "gays", all in respect for the church. The sins of the church is when the church refuses to acknowledge HIV-AIDS and the education of it's people. The sins of the church is when a gay youth or adult takes their own life because it became too much to bear especially from people who were suppose to care about them and their souls. The sins of the church is when someone decided that homosexuality was the #1 sin in God's eyes.
What happened to "love ye one another"? Does that not count because of someone's orientation??? There are a lot of hurting people who have suffered shame and live in the fear that they aren't pleasing in God's eyes. They wonder, "does God really love me", "will I go to hell", "can God really use me", "can I ever be able to participate in church like everyone else", "can I even go to church without everyone whispering and rolling their eyes", "do I have to conceal my orientation while in church", "can I go to church and not be humiliated", "when they call couples up for a prayer of blessings can my partner and I participate". This is a such a sad, heavy burden that we as homosexuals carry, that's why most don't bother to return to church or do so with their orientation hidden. Living a double life is no fun at all, especially when you have to do it at church.
I don't know when true acceptance will come and for many, it never will. But, I do wonder at any time in these so-called church folk (can't truly call them Christians, because according to the Bible, they aren't acting like Christ-like) lives do they feel remorse for how they act. Probably not, but I like to think every now and then they feel God tapping at their hearts telling them that they are so wrong and should repent for their sins.
I still struggle with the church and homosexuality, I imagine a part of me always will. I can't sit here and say that you totally get over it, for some I suppose they do, but when you've been born into the church and hear such damning messages for all those years, how does one erase it all?
If anyone that happens across this entry and want to learn more about Homosexuals and the Church, here are a few sites that I read that helped and continue to me:
Until next time, keep learning, loving, living and laughing,
UGLYFirst
3 comments:
"The Sins of the Church", how appropriate. I could so relate to this post. I can say so much about this, but I will try and keep it short.
I spent the better part of my life in church...so I am very familiar with the things u speak of. Church people are so apt to try and classify things as more sinful than others which is the basis of the whole argument church folks attempt to make about homosexuality. They want people to believe that gays are some perverse group of people who have either been molested or had some type of sexual trauma and if those explanations don't fit...there is always the title of depravity that we are cloaked with to make the whole homosexual=sin argument valid. The sad thing about this is that the church folks who talk like this actually believe this kind of foolishness.
I believe that the church is so concerned about homosexuality because it keeps the church relevant in society...kinda like a politician. In order for a politician to be useful, he has to know and be concerned about what his constituents are concerned about. The same goes for the church. They are quick jump of the wagon of things that they can't explain away with the Bible and demonize it to the point that an entire segment of the population is ignorant to the truth. The black church is notorious for this kind of thing...this is why black folks are so homophobic.
I long for the day that the religious sect can see that any sin is a sin...none carry more weight that the other. God has so much for us to do, but most will never know the true meaning of what Christ has called us to do because we are so judgemental and hypocrital that we cant see the true hurt that lies before us.
~AquariusSoul~
aquariussoul.wordpress.com
Amen, Amen & Amen! Thanks for your comment!
i LOVED this point. i have blogged about this topic a lot on my blog, not so much lately. this is relevant topic and one which i hope we overcome in the near future.
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