I spoke with a friend today, while I was so glad to speak with her I was saddened to learn that all was not happy in her world. I was under the impression from her Facebook pictures that she was happy and in love, but I of all people should know better considering for years I wore a mask, make that masks. Somtimes I have catch myself, because it's very easy to slip back into that old way of masquerading my feelings.
She began to open up about how she knew that she needed to get out of the relationship years ago, but has stayed for one reason or another. And een left one time and was suckered back in and the behavior started back up again, isn't that usually the way. I told her that we really needed to meet for lunch, it was very important that we had lunch soon, my treat! We had been friends for years, I had shared lots of things with her and vice versa, but I had neglected to share one important thing, my sexuality. While I will eventually get around to that all important detail, I want to know that my friend is doing ok. I NEED to know that there is no physical, verbal or mental abuse going on in that relationship, then we can proceed with figuring out other details about what she wants and needs to do about her horrid relationship.
It's sad when you're caught up in some bullshit relationship for financial reasons and the other person knows it, but that shouldn't stop you from leaving, it didn't stop me. You have to develop a plan, it's all about timing and planning......"He who fails to plan, plans to fail." I love quotes! While it might time some time, it's ok, hell you've been in it this long, what's a little longer, especially if there's no violence going on. No, if there's violence, then I say, get the hell out. Don't stay and get getting your ass beat. And, I'm speaking as a novice, I've never experience domestic violence, never been hit in my life, not unless you count a 3 year old hitting slapping the shit out of me. (That situation was straight crazy, that little boy slapped me so hard I literally saw stars and thought I was going to end up with a black eye, guess I didn't change his diaper fast enough. He was a special needs child and he showed me that 4+ years of a college education was nothing compared to the ass-whooping he gave me that year, I learned the true meaning of Through the Fire, I don't know what Chaka Khan was singing about!).
I hate when I get off track, I think I might have a touch of ADD, damn! Anyway, I am making it my mission to get with her this week, I feel bad that I never told her that I was gay! I had been meaning to meet up with her for lunch awhile back, and tell her, now that she isn't happy in her relationship, I think I might put off telling her and just focus on her situation because obviously, my news isn't going anywhere.
I'm going to tell her and I'm telling whomever is reading this entry: time and life is too short to be miserable. Baby, I don't care if you're in a gay or straight relationship and you see that it's not working and you know you've done all you can, you don't have to stay in it. That's like a person on a sinking boat, would you continue to stay on a boat that's sinking? You've tried to cork the hole, but the materials you've used isn't working, the patch worked for awhile, but now you see the water is seeping back in. First it was a slow leak, now it's flowing faster, at this point the water is around your ankles. Are you going to just sit there and go down with the boat and let the other person tell you that it's not that bad? You have a chance to save yourself, listen to that still small voice, listen to that feeling in the bottom of your stomach telling you that this simply isn't working anymore. Have the courage to love you, have the strength to stand up for yourself, find the motivation to have your own back, have the wisdom to say "enough is enough", have the faith to say "I don't know how I'm going to make it but I can do this this", motivate & encourage yourself. Surround yourself with positive and motivated people, pray and take that first step of faith. Now, it won't be easy, but the peace of mind honey, you'll wish you had made the move earlier! Peace & love!!!
Until next time, keep laughing, learning, loving and living....
UGLYFirst
