I'm back, I had to take a little break, while I had a lot to say, it was angry stuff and I'm not trying to put too much of that into the atmosphere. So, in light of that, I decided to remain silent. While, I'm still angry, I just not as angry.........well, I'm not hostile, ok, that's a lie, I'm hostile at this point because I'm talking to myself.
I'm in the Wal-Mart, just jibber-jabbering, I use to try and hide it and act like I was on my cell, but oh no, I don't even care anymore. I'm in the cheese section having a full-blown conversation with myself, but the good thing is, I'm not answering back. It grates my nerves that I have allowed people to infiltrate my life and pretty much run amuk and I am having a devil of a time getting rid of these mofo's! I am trying to be very nice and gracious about it, but I am so close to asking Jesus to cover His ears or forgive me in advanced and get real nasty and go completely off! Because some people don't understand or can't catch a clue if it smacked them in the face and even then they still question it. Geez!!! I don't know if this is desperation or what. Nonetheless, I can't allow people to drive me nutty.
Anyway, amongst other things, I have been getting excited about my trip to Philadelphia in April to the Equality Forum I've never been before and think they have prepared some very interesting forums. I've decided I'm going to get a sub and leave my class 2 days early and go enjoy Philly. What damage could my assistant and a sub possibly do to my babies in 2 days???? This is really HUGE for me, I have trust issues, in most areas of my life, the weird thing is, I don't have trust issues when it comes to my health, but that's another subject. Anyhoo, I don't trust my assistant because she's not child-friendly, why she's working with children is beyon me, clearly she's in it for the money, which proves me to she is is a moron, because ask anyone and they will tell you, there is no money to be made working with children. So bascially my assistant is a damn rock! DUMB! Enough of her, another thorn in my side.
Today I was reading a blog entry by Aquarius.Soul and it was really good, all of her entries are good, but as I came down to the bottom, she mentioned the number of days until the anniversary of her and her wife. That was really sweet, but I thought, "oh man, I can't imagine me ever having a countdown for an anniversary or even anything of that nature" . In all honesty what I can imagine is a countdown of "me getting rid of that heffa" , but what does that say about me? Oh my gosh, I really do want peace, love and happiness in my life and with another person, I know of several people that would disagree with me, but that would be sour grapes talking.
I really don't know what the future holds for me, if it meant for me walk through the remainder of my life solo, I'm cool with that. However, if I am meant to share my life with someone special Lord please prepare me, make me better than I am today, make me sweeter than think I am, slow to anger, more understanding, more caring, more loving, more affectionate, slow to speak more willing to listen. Daily, I try to improve myself and work on me, some days are better than others. Some days, I can pull myself through and other days I'm mean and angry because I didn't listen and now I suffer. Experience will teach you far better than anything else can and once you learn, (not unless you're one of those slow learners) you won't repeat the lesson! I think the most important thing I need to do is forgive myself and perhaps the lesson will come to an end, because overall, I've learned the lesson, but I remain angry with myself and I can't move forward holding on to the anger. God please help me to let go of this anger.
Until next time, keep laughing, loving, living, and learning,
UGLYFirst
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