When I first heard that song, I know exactly where I was and who I was with! I immediately fell in love with the song and deeper in love with the woman. Heatwave was a superb group, they made and sang incredible songs with awesome lyrics. (I'm a lyric person, I don't pay too much attention to the beat, but this song caused me to pay attention to both!) Check out the song:
While the decisons I face aren't about shacking up with a woman or breaking up with one, my decisions are equally as important as the lyrics. You know I consider myself a happy-go-lucky kinda gal, no things are perfect in my little world, but I do find contenment in whatever time or space I'm in. I have this uncanning ability to quicky adjust to my surroundings, oh I might not like them, but very few things shake me. Faith in my hopes and dreams keep anxiety and things of that nature at bay. Now that's not to say I have it all together because I don't, honey, I'm far from it.
It seems to me the older I get the more my thought pattern changes, things that once held my attention, now wanes after a few days or weeks, sometimes months. Things that once held little or no value to me, now matter; where I once was a bonafide, card-carrying loner, I have a desire to make friends but more importantly keep them. While my tolerance for stupid shit remains firm, I'm finding that I am more cut-throat about what I want and don't want in my life. Oh I'll put up and allow dumb shit to happen, but just know because I'm allowing it to happen doesn't mean I'm a subscriber to your bullshit. I've learned, I can't control anyone's behavior and I'm not going to try, no matter how I see the potential in a person, if they don't believe I can't force faith on anyone. Planting seeds is what I'm about, I might not ever see the end results, but if I can leave someone thinking differently, looking at the world or their situation differently then I'm cool with it.
My delimna comes in because there are so many things I want for myself, things that people can't even imagine. People look at me and see a smiling face or me joking and laughing but there is a lot that goes on below the surface; not just in me but in everyone. Several months ago, I wrote about the mask we wear for the public, but what lies below the surface would blow our family and friends away. Almost everyone I have a relationship with (co-workers, girlfriends, friends, aquintences, family) think's they know me. Just because you know a person's favorite color, or you remember that they have only one dimple or the do a fnny thing with their top lip does not mean you really KNOW that person. Most human beings are creatures of habit, so in therory "knowing" them only means you just ore observant than what they're use to. Routine and habit shakes me to my core, people who fall into a rut/routine don't even realize it's happening, they get up by a certain time, do this at a certain time, do that at a certain time and so on and so forth. If any little thing deters them from their schedule their Apple cart is rocked with apples rolling everywhere and they are falling to pieces. Anytime I catch myself in "routine mode" I quickly snap out of it because I don't want anyone around me thinking they know me or all there is to know, for me just like I invest time in getting to know my friends, I don't want anythinig less of them. People really need to take the time to get to know a person, you know someone like me isnt going to make t easy because I want to see how how valuable my friendship is to you.
Back to my main reason for writing today, I am at a crossroads with so many things in my life, should I go left or should I go right, or maybe just keep going straight ahead. I know one thing, I dont have the option of backing up and no matter what I choose I'm going to be fine and happy. Happiness is the only option available to me, I don't want to even consider the other options, I know what keeps me motivated and looking up, and that's hapiness. No, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm thankful I'm not where I could've or should've been, I have faith that things will work out for me. As long as I keep dreaming and making efforts to accomplish my dreams, I'll be just fine. Here are a few quoutes that I thought was so befitting of my mood and blog:
Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
-- Harriet Tubman
How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal, and you have to be willing to work for it.
-- Jim Valvano
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-- Mark Twain
Just as Mark Twain stated, 20 years from now I don't want to look back and feel sorrow because I didn't take a leap of faith and try to do those things which I felt I couldn't do (hey that was a little bit of Eleanor Rooservelt). I have so hard choices to make and I know that I'm capable of doing the right thing......or at least attempting to do the right thing.
As always keep living, learning, loving and laughing!
UGLYFirst
