In going through your daily life, try to think of others and their feelings and remember that everyone deserves a right to choose; even if their choice deletes you from their life. Like most things in life, you have to take that chance and hope for the best.
Today, I go inside myself, not to stay forever, but to linger for awhile to do some self-examining.......no self-loathing or self-bashing going on, just to do some maintenance work. I often go inside myself, knowing that I am far from perfect, but I daily strive for it, realizing it's a lofty pursuit that I will never acquire. Then, why do I strive for such???? I believe in my striving, it keeps me grounded and human. Sounds crazy, eh? Of course it does, but indulge me for a moment, there truly is a method to the madness, I'm not just mad. I am not one to think too highly of myself, I realize that in a twinkling of an eye my life can change. I don't put myself on a pedestal because I feel that I somehow am better than others because of my talents, education or personality. I keep myself grounded by the company I keep, the things that I do for others and my love of learning and gravitating towards others similar to myself. I am hard on myself, but at the same time I have my own back, it's no secret that I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold others. Not because I think I'm better, but I know my capacity to love and forgive, to restore others to grace & mercy, I don't hold grudges because it consumes those spaces that I need to fill with love, peace and happiness. I wonder why I decided to listen to someone else about what I should do in my life, that is so not like me. I'll admit, I don't take advice from others, for reasons I shall not disclose, but I took a chance and damn, wrong move.
Yesterday I posted a quote "Drowning people sometimes die fighting their rescuers." — Octavia E. Butler {Stop fighting against those who really mean us well, who honestly care & love us. It's those who are grimy & secretly hate us that we think have our best interest at heart. Take the blinders off and really see who you allow into your life.}
That right there!!!!!! When I post quotes, I mainly do it to encourage myself, if it touches others, then that's great. After last night and going through what I did with this special someone, my thoughts about that quote came back to me........just because a person is in your circle doesn't mean they're in your corner, some people secretly hate you, they want to see you fail, they stay close to see your relationships crumble, they plot and scheme, throw rocks and hand their hands. They do this because they have low self-esteem, they aren't happy and don't want you to be happy, jealousy flows through their veins, hatred is their motivation. I've always said, "I don't have to put your light out so my light can shine, both of our lights can shine at the same time.", but apparently someone doesn't believe that and that's a pity.
Going inside myself, is a needed activity, I need to break up some ground and put up some weeds so when seeds are dropped into life, they will fall on fertile ground and grow. I hope to return a little wiser, smarter and more grounded, with a keen sense of self-awareness, loving myself a little bit better, being a better servant to others and being a better potential mate to that someone special (Muffin).
Until another time in space, take the time to live a little, laugh a lot, learn more and love with all your heart....
UGLYFirst
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