Pain

I am plagued with migraines, they've been around for as long as I can remember. I get regular headaches also, they usually occur on the right side, while the migraines reside on the left side of the head. The pain that I feel takes a toll on me, it sucks up my energy, my patience and my strength. Do you know how difficult it is to explain to a non-migraine sufferer what you're going through? It's difficult because if they can't even entertain the pain in their minds there is no way for them to understand how you could possibly feel. Pain in any form changes a person in some way, for me, it changes my generally sweet, accommodating personality; I have no patience for anything I become easily annoyed. I don't like being around people when I don't feel well, some like to be pampered and rubbed but not I.....don't touch me, don't even look at me, better yet, just leave me alone with my pain. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do for me, I won't even ask for anything because I know my patience is rice paper thin so I will be annoyed at the delivery and "why are you walking so hard". It makes no sense for me to act ugly like that but pain.....mainly migraine pain brings out the worst in me.

The last times I went to the ER, (yeah I know I said "times") all kinds of things were flowing through my head. I honestly didn't think I'd leave, I thought I would expire on the table with that IV in my arm. I went to the ER Friday and had to go back Saturday! My head was hurting so badly that I could barely think straight, I was trying my best to calm myself down, but it didn't work. I'm always nervous when the drugs enter my veins, I don't like being out of control and when drugs enter your body to some degree you are out of control. I strive to stay out of the ER because all those meds aren't good for my organs, mainly my liver.

Last night I went to bed because I was really tired, I did a lot of housework and the laundry and other little errands. While I was asleep, I had a pain in my head that woke me up, when I finally woke up my head was hurting so bad. I get so sick and tired of it all, just sick and tired! I was determined that the pain would go away, I wasn't taking any pills or anything else. Finally readjusting my head and neck I was able to get some relief and fall back to sleep. Today, again I'm tired, just trying to relax. However I went to the gym and went to the grocers, that pain is back, it plays with you....now you feel it and now you don't kinda game. I'm so tired, but I'm thankful that my pain isn't from a tumor or anything else along those lines, but I do wish I knew what causes the pain.

There are times when I wish I were by myself, left alone to suffer without it affecting others. Most people truly don't want to be a burden to anyone, especially their loved ones. It also takes a toll on those who are there in the midst, those who take you to the ER or make sure you're ok; I realize those facts that's one reason why when I am feeling good, I try to be good as gold to others. You know sometimes you can give so much of yourself that you have nothing left for you.

My name is UGLYFirst, I suffer from migraines, I'm more tired than not, I continue to push myself because that's all I know how to do, I deal with pain more often than not,

I

am

tired

!